Wolf Pit Draft Complete!

I did it.

After 6 grueling months, several weeks of depression, and enough overtime at work to last me a lifetime, I finally finished the first draft of The Purple Door District: Wolf Pit. Book 1 clocked in at about 76,000 words. Wolf Pit? As of now, she's a whopping 99,000 words. Granted, she still has to go through editing, but I'm headed in the right direction. 

So what does this mean for the final piece? 

Ideally, I would like to publish Wolf Pit by December 2019. I'm not officially making this the date, as it's going to depend on a couple of things.

1. I'm attempting to get accepted to #writementor with my YA fantasy book Dragon Steal. If I'm selected, I'm going to spend the summer working with a published mentor to get my book in shape for an agent showcase. That means PDD might have to get pushed back a bit.

2. Editing. Editing takes a lot of time and the book is longer than the first one. I need to do my revisions, I have to send it to my co-world-creator, AE Kellar, to pass her inspection, I need a few sensitivity readers to look it over, not to mention my main editor Leona Bushman will have to rip it apart so I can rebuild it. And after that, I have proofreaders who need to review it. That all takes time, and I don't want to rush it. So, if I don't make the December deadline, I imagine it'll be ready by early 2020. 

I'm sure I'm going to get the stink eye from some of my readers and a scolding from fellow authors. Why is it taking me so long to put out a book? Well, there are a few factors. I work a 40+-hour job each week, volunteer for The Iowa Writers' House, and I'm a Director of The Writers' Rooms. On top of that, I spend time marketing my main book, querying Dragon Steal, blogging, interviewing authors, etc. It all takes time, and when writer's block or depression hits, that means it's going to take even longer. I honestly don't take many breaks from the computer. I'm usually always doing something when it comes to writing, even if it's not for PDD specifically. 

Believe me, it's not that I don't consider PDD a priority, I just have to make sure I pay the bills and put food on the table. And at the same time, I have to take care of my mental and physical health, which have both been up in the air over the past year. I wish I could write as a full-time author and produce more, but at this point in my life, that's not a possibility. So while I hate to delay the books, it's something I just have to do. That's why I try to keep my patreon updated so that people have short stories about the characters they can read while the book is in production.

Now, that all being said, what's Wolf Pit about? (Spoilers: If you haven't read PDD 1, I suggest you not read the book promo). 

Tess Montgomery isn’t your typical member of the Chicago wolf pack. In fact, she’s not a wolf at all. She’s an adopted fire magus of the pack and thus doesn’t always “play by the rules.” When her father and her best friend Nick are kidnapped in what the parahumans assume is a Hunter operation, Tess’s pack is thrown into turmoil. With Alpha Paytah unable to step outside the bounds of his new position as Violet Marshall of Chicago’s Purple Door District, Tess takes the reins to plan a rescue attempt.

Meanwhile, Nick and his fellow wolves find themselves in a world of battle and bloodshed. The Hunters have set up an illegal fighting pit where the strongest survive and the weakest are traded or killed. It’s all Nick can do to keep up the spirits of his packmates and help them escape. Or survive long enough until they’re rescued.

Unfortunately, Tess’ rescue mission fails spectacularly, leading to her capture. She finds herself the unwilling guest of a local Hunter named Arjun. Handsome, charming, and deadly, Arjun tries to convince Tess that not all Hunters are the enemy.  He even offers to help her find her packmates. But is he true to his word, or does he have his own wicked plans in mind?

As you can see, there's a lot going on in this book and many POV switches so you can experience what's happening both in Tess's world and Nick's. It was a challenge to provide equal time to both, but I'm hoping it works out.

I'm really excited to share the cover and the story with all of you. The cover I'm planning to release on May 1st, 2019 in its full glory. Those of you who are patrons, however, get to see it early ;-) That's my gift to you since my story this month is going to be a bit late due to finishing up PDD. 

I want to thank you for following me on this crazy journey/adventure, and I hope you're excited for Wolf Pit

Meditation and Writing

Those of you who have followed my blog long enough know that I like to periodically spend time talking about mental health. As someone with depression and anxiety, it's important for me to find ways to relax my mind so I can heal and also focus on my writing. Most people also know that I suck at self care, and it's something I'm trying very hard to learn. 

Recently, I started attending group therapy that focuses on the mind, body, and soul. I always thought I was awful at meditation (I still struggle with it), but the more I work at it, the more I realize how much it calms me. Sometimes I use my own writing as a form of meditation, typing out a stream of consciousness without any concerns about my language or where I'm going with it. I do that when I talk about my dreams, or if I'm having an episode where I just really need to get my emotions out. I generally call that my angry poetry phase. 

But I digress. 

Meditation is a habit that I think we can all benefit from, so I'd like to share a few things I've learned, and other kinds of meditation I do to ease my stress/anxiety. 

Deep Breathing

This is probably one of the best and easiest ones to start out with. Whenever I get worked up (or wake up from nightmares like I did last night), I try to focus on deep breathing. Sit in a relaxed position and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. You want to focus on making your belly feel soft. My guide suggests that you whisper "soft" when you breathe in, and "belly" when you breathe out. Try to do this for awhile. Even 5 minutes of deep breathing meditation can really help. It certainly helps me get through a bad work day. 

Here's a guided meditation that can help. 

Music and Mindfulness 

Once you have the breathing down, try to be mindful of your body. I like to put on soft music, usually water mixed with song or music that focuses on peaceful sleep. There are also a ton of apps on your phone that you can download that have guided meditation or songs. The app Calm is a great example. 

Lie down (or sit) in a comfortable position and turn on the music. Then focus on feeling each part of your body. Your arms, your legs, your fingers and toes, your head. Loosen each muscle one at a time and focus on your breathing and relaxing your body. Guided meditation can help you focus. Make sure you think about your body and don't let your mind wander (easier said than done for us writers). If it does wander, that's okay. Just pull it back into the moment. 

Only have a few minutes? Try a quick 5 minute meditation for things like anxiety. 

Imagery Meditation 

One of my favorite forms of meditation is something I didn't exactly realize I was doing until I talked with my therapist. Imagery meditation is essentially when you create an image in your head and focus on that. It could be imagining light coming down and wrapping around you. It could be picturing water or waves crashing against rocks. Maybe you see yourself on a beach or in a forest. Or, in my case, I imagine a garden that only I can enter. Focusing on each detail gives your mind something else to think about other than stresses or anything else that's bothering you. 

Here's a guided video for example. 

Animal Meditation

Okay, so this might be something that I made up, but I think animal lovers can understand where I'm coming from. There are moments when I pet my birds or preen them where all my stress just goes away. The same thing happens when Aladdin, my sun conure, sleeps on my chest. I can feel his breath and his little heartbeat and it calms me. I find myself relaxing and focusing on them and their happiness, and it makes me happy in return. Imagine doing that with a dog or a cat. I bet you wouldn't mind spending 10 or 15 minutes doting on them. 

So what does this have to do with writing? Well, often a more peaceful mind helps with my writing. The ideas flow more freely without bundles of anxiety and depression distracting me or clouding my brain. I've been playing meditative musical tracks while writing, and I can feel my anxiety go down while I work. 

Writing can also act as a prelude to meditation. If you're upset or filled with a bunch of emotion, write it out. Say everything you'd want to say without fear that someone is going to read it and judge you. Doing so can help you clear your mind and make you feel freer. It opens you up to meditation and writing your story. 

To be honest, I usually find myself relaxing so much with the guided meditation, that I just fall asleep. As someone who struggles with sleep, I'm not going to complain about that. I'm quite new and rusty with it, but meditation has already started to help with my depression. I hope it helps you as well. 

If you have any meditative practices you'd like to share, post them below! 

Let's Talk About Fanfiction

I'm sure you're probably already squirming in your seat at the title. Fanfiction? Bleh! Who wants to read that? 

You'd be surprised.

Fanfiction, for those who don't know, is literature created by a fan of a TV show, book, movie, comic, etc. Fans like to put their own spin on the stories, create different theories that might not necessarily be canon, or even insert themselves into the show/book through a personal character. These pieces are posted on sites like Fanfiction, Wattpad, Commaful, and more. Check out more places at The Ultimate Guide to Fanfiction and Fanfiction Sites by Joanna Smith. 

So what's the problem with it? 

Well, there are many complaints about fanfiction including: "You're just taking someone else's writing and making it your own. That's not real writing." "Fanfiction writers don't know how to write." "Fanfiction writing is awful." "The stories aren't canon." "Fanfic is just loaded with Mary Sue characters." "The stories are sexist." "The stories are too gay." 

I'm not going to argue with some of these. Yes, people are indeed taking a known world and making it their own. It's true, sometimes the quality of writing isn't very good. No, often the stories aren't canon because people are coming up with their own theories. And yes, a lot of Mary Sue characters pop up randomly. 

As for there being too many gay stories...sorry, folks, but I'm totally fine with that. 

Fanfic writers are almost treated as badly as the people who like Pumpkin Spice flavored things in the fall. How DARE someone enjoy a movie/book (or flavor)! What's the problem? If someone loves or is inspired by a story so much that they want to write about it, then why not let them? Allow them to enjoy the idea that they can see themselves in the world they love, or they can shift the elements around so certain characters are paired together, or forgotten characters get more screen/page time. It's not hurting anyone. If you don't like it, then you certainly don't have to read it. 

Now, I realize there's a lot of really bad fanfiction out there (due to poor grammar, storytelling, character development, and unsavory themes). I'm not going to say every kind of fanfic is okay, especially not when it deals with things we find taboo even in books we read today (ie. graphic rape scenes, child pornography, under-aged sex stories, etc). But if you're complaining about poor plot, writing, and character development, how do you think people learn to improve? By practicing and getting critique. 

When I started out writing, I read a lot of Fanfiction and wrote some myself. Was all of it good? Oh, heck no, but the thing is, the stories other people created helped me fall in love with the world even more. I'm going to use Redwall by Brian Jacques for example. This book series was my bread and butter. When I couldn't get enough of the published stories, I went online and read as many Redwall fanfics that I could find. One time, I stayed awake all night in my parents' room because I had to find out what happened to these new beloved characters. My dad woke to get ready for work and found me staring, wide-eyed, at the screen. Did I get any sleep that night? Nope. Did I fall in love with characters, the Redwall world, and weep for fan-made characters? Oh, you better believe it. 

Fanfiction also taught me how to adjust my writing. I learned, grammatically, what was right, and what was wrong. As I wrote my own stories, people would poke at holes in my plot or offer me advice (sometimes in the form of a trolly comment), which helped me rethink what I was writing and fix my story. I got to delve into a world I already loved, with characters I created (or borrowed), and I also learned more about writing along the way! Fanfiction also helped me meet friends and other writers. 

Roleplaying through a Redwall site actually introduced me to my co-writer.

Now, there is the controversy about people writing fanfic and wanting to publish it. Actually, someone kind of did do that *coughE.L.Jamescough* but at least she changed the names and setting a bit. Personally, I don't think people should publish fanfiction independently or traditionally as it is the creation of another author. However, I see no harm in sites providing ads or "tokens" that provide a little compensation to writers courtesy of their readers. That's not too much different from someone running a patreon campaign and getting readers to pay a certain amount each month to get a sneak peak at a new fanfiction piece. 

But I know this is something that's heavily debated, so feel free to leave your opinion below. 

When it comes to my own books like The Purple Door District,...write fanfic to your heart's content. If my characters and world inspire you to create stories of your own, then you write them and share them with friends! Practice your craft. My goal as an author is to encourage others to write, even if it's in the world I created. I'm not going to lie, I have checked a couple of fanfic sites just to see if anyone has had the inclination to write something based off of my book. 

Let the fanfic writers enjoy the stories and create ones of their own. Long after the original author is gone, her legacy will still live on in her books, and in the stories that her fans created of her series. What an amazing way to be remembered. 

I say, write on, fanfiction authors. Write on! 

 

Writing with Chronic Pain

I want to tell you a story, one that I tend to vaguely mention in posts with phrases like, "I have eye trouble," or "I'm light sensitive." Over the years I've stopped talking about it as much because I haven't wanted to bother/bore people (and it's just kind of a daily thing for me now), but I'm starting to realize when you don't discuss chronic pain, people don't realize the seriousness of the issue. And that while some things you do to alleviate pain may seem funny, it's really not a laughing matter. 

About seven years ago, something changed with my vision. It started with an ocular migraine. One moment I was fine, the next, my vision started to pixelate. A strange line appeared across my eye and kept pulsing so quickly I started to lose my vision. It got so bad that about 75% of my vision went out, and I had to grab onto walks just to walk around at work. 

I thought I was having a heart attack. 

Ocular migraines can last anywhere from moments to 30 minutes, and I'm on the longer spectrum. I've gotten them while driving, working, and writing. It used to terrify me every time it happened. Now? I'm just kind of used to getting them and just wait it out as best I can and hope that it doesn't spark a full-on migraine. 

About a month later, things got worse. My eyes had been wearing out faster than usual and I wasn't sure why. Then one night, while I was looking at my computer, my vision completely doubled. 

Ever since then, I've battled with pain in my eyes. 

For seven years. 

At the worst times, it feels like someone is shoving their fingers into my eyes and shining a bright light that I can't look away from. My forehead is stuck in a vice. A certain level of light can start up the issue and then something as simple as looking at a computer or reading a book takes a painful toll on my eyes. 

I've been to eye doctors and ophthalmologists. I went to the Mayo clinic. I tried medicines that have made me suicidal or caused insomnia. I've been told not to bother coming back because a doctor didn't believe me. I've used prisms and been falsely diagnosed with lazy eye. I've tried eye drop after eye drop, changed glasses, had plugs inserted in my tear ducts, taken antibiotics for inflammation, etc.

The most anyone can tell me is I have severe dry eye, light sensitivity, and I used to have blepharitis, an inflammation of the eyelids. But even with all the treatments, and with my eyes as healthy as they've ever been, the pain is still there. I'm at least to the point that I don't wake up in the morning and fear that I won't have the eye strength to do work. But I don't know how I'll be in the evening when I want to write. 

I live in perpetual darkness. The most light I might have on at my house in the evening is blue Christmas lights, or a single lamp, because more light than that is painful. And believe me, using full-spectrum lights for depression are NOT fun (though at least they help my mood). 

To top it off, I also have chronic migraines. I take a medicine three times a day to keep them under control, but when they hit, they can be debilitating. And unfortunately, my eyes are the first to go down. I've thrown up because the pain was so bad. I've had to lay in complete darkness with cold cloths over my eyes and on my neck to stop the pulsing pain radiating through my skull and eyes. And there's no telling how long the migraines will last. It could be a day. It could last several. If my eyes become even more sensitive to light, that's generally my first sign a migraine is coming on. 

I've had to fight tooth and nail at work to be placed in a darker location so I can actually perform my job. And I still have to wear a hat to block out what light comes near me because otherwise my eyes spasm and start to hurt. Sometimes I even have to wear sunglasses or put a shawl over my head to drown out the light. And you know, it gets tiring when people crack jokes about it. I see the looks people give me when they walk by and I'm wearing a hat inside or donning a pair of glasses so I can finish my work. I hear the snickers or snide remarks when I have my computer settings so low or use a blue background when writing so I can actually do something I love. I also hear the whole, "It's just a headache," comment or the scoffing, "WOW, you really are light sensitive, aren't you?" 

And it sucks. Because what people don't realize is it also affects the things that I love most which are writing and reading. When I say that it takes me awhile to get through a book, it's because it physically hurts to read for long periods of time. There are nights I want to write pages of my story, but if my eyes are having an issue, that goes out the window. I used to be over the moon when my favorite authors would come out with big books. Now I just dread seeing them because I know how much time and eye strain it's going to take to get through the story. Yes, I know I can listen to audio books, but for me, it's not the same. I can't look at the text and visualize things as easily with audio books as I can while reading and holding books. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't use audio books. I have quite the library stacked up. 

Reading used to be my stress reliever, and now I have to really work if I want to get through a story. And when it comes to editing my own stuff? It can be an absolute nightmare. I've had tears screaming down my cheeks trying to edit my writing because it hurt to read, but I needed to get my deadlines done. Even now while I'm writing this post I can feel my eyes watering and I'm closing them periodically to give them some rest. And it's not just from staring at screens. It's while I'm hanging out with people. Grabbing tea at a coffee shop. Gardening. Cleaning. Shopping at the store. 

It's always there. 

I'm not writing all this to have people feel sorry for me, or to whine, that's not the point. I just want people to understand that I do things like wearing sun glasses and hats or rarely pick up books these days not because I want to, but because of chronic pain. It's not always visible, and believe me, eye problems and migraines have definitely caused my anxiety and depression to escalate. 

I'm grateful the eye doctor I have now wasn't like the others who told me not to come back. She stuck with me and has made things bearable for me. And we're still hopeful that things will continue to improve over time. 

So be kind to people who have invisible issues. You never know what's going on behind their exterior wall. 

Pirating Books

Pirating books. You've probably seen this topic in the news over the past couple of weeks and heard the heated discussion revolving around it. In short, a website called OceanofPDF, known for hosting pirated books, was recently shut down. Publishers like Penguin, HarperCollins, and Random House issued tons of take down notices, and eventually the requests went through. You can read more about it here

This should be a good thing, right? A site that's allowing people to essentially steal an author's work is no longer able to distribute the pdfs. Unfortunately, there's been a lot of backlash in which authors are being called "Elitist" and selfish for wanting money for their work. Now granted, some of the people do have a good point. If they've already purchased the books and something happened to them, shouldn't there be a way to get them back? Or what if they bought a paper version and want an e-book for the road that came out later? 

First, if you lost the book, I'm sorry, but if you lost a DVD or music, you'd have to pay to get that back, too. If you want the e-copy, some authors will sell packages of e-books and the paper book, so you can just get it that way. Or just buy the e-book. Generally, e-books are priced a lot cheaper anyway. My paper book is $15, but my e-book is $3.99. I'm not asking you to pay full price for the e-book. 

Some people have argued that 1. they don't have the money for books or 2.  they can't get them from the local library. Generally if you speak with a library about wanting a book, and there are enough requests, the library can buy the book or even loan it from another location. If you get the book around the time it launches, many authors put their novels on sale. Or they'll do low sales or offer giveaways.

We're not dragons stealing your money and cackling on top of our glistening hoard. Most of the money we actually make off of our books goes towards expenses in order to bring more books to you. Spend money to make money. So to have our work put on a site without our permission and to watch hundreds and thousands of people download it without us seeing a cent from it is...how is that fair? 

I want to give you a look into how much it costs to actually publish a book. It's different for traditional and self-published authors, but we all put money into it. 

First, it starts with our time. I work a full-time job, and I spend most of my free time (what little I have), writing my novels. This is not just a casual hobby. This is something I want to turn into a profession, so I dedicate my time to it. I've taken courses in writing, storytelling, plot development, creative writing, (which costs money,) so I can create my books. It also causes a lot of emotional strain to do what I do. See Writing with Depression for clarification. 

And then there are the other expenses once I've actually written the book. I have to pay for things like: 

  • an editor

  • proofreaders

  • sensitivity readers

  • cover artist

  • promotional materials

  • book swag

  • programs like Scrivener and Adobe DC to format the books or a designer who can do it for me

  • buying the books themselves

  • tables at conventions to sell my books

  • hotels/gas/meals to travel and sell 

It all adds up.

Most of the money that I've made from sales have gone back into my book or is being used to take care of costs for the next one. I'm not rolling in money, so yes, every dollar does help. Some people say, "Well, I'll give you a review. That's payment enough." Look, any review is wonderful, and I'm grateful for it whether it's good or bad. But the thing is, if everyone decided that's how they were going to pay for the book, I'd have hundreds of reviews, but no revenue. 

We pay money for movies, music, theater, etc, but when it comes to art and books, suddenly it's just too expensive. I understand our economy is awful, and I'm drowning in debt as well. But it's heartbreaking to realize that something I spent months or even years on is being handed out for free. If I want to give it away for free or drop the price, that's my prerogative, and I would promote it so that people who are having trouble buying my book can get it for cheaper. Some say I get more readers if my book is given away for free. Hey, that's great. I love getting more readers. But what about all the time and effort writers put into their craft? Does that mean nothing? 

If it was just happening here and there, that would be one thing. But there are whole sites dedicated to this. I give books away. I reach out to libraries to see if I can get my books there so people who are low on cash can at least borrow the book. But that's my decision and my right to do that. 

I guess what I really want you to understand is that being a creator and doing something I love doesn't mean that I don't put a ton of work into it. I'm providing a service. Is it so bad that I would want compensation from it so I can keep creating and bring more stories to my readers? 

I'd love to hear your opinions on it.